Nearly Alone
by p3Teal
Summary: With the day's stresses bearing down on Near, he finds somewhere quiet to retreat. Turns out, he's not the only one. WARNING: Suicide mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: **I do not own Death Note.

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I need to be alone.

"Hey, Near, help me answer this question! I can't grasp this function." T, Turn, intercepts me. She is quite young, and not so annoying, so I occasionally assist her in her studies. As an unfortunate effect, she seems to think that I appreciate being around company. Which is, blatantly untrue. They say 'three is company and four's a crowd,' but it seems that even two is too much.

Sometimes one is a bit stifling as well.

I sigh, "Only for a moment, I'll explain it once." Why do I feel so strained today? My schedule has been very routine thus far. Perhaps too routine...no, there is no such thing. That would be perfection.

What is L's routine like? How does he manage a schedule while handling so many timezones?

I am being autistic today.

"Thank you Near!" A smile, and she runs off to her friends. I must have explained the function while my mind was elsewhere. Good, my left-brain-right-brain multi tasking practice is making enormous progress.

Now I must seek shelter. Quiet, lone shelter.

The playroom in the left wing on the second floor is commonly left unofficially reserved for me, so that is where I go. Sometimes the flourescent lighting hurts my eyes, so I leave the curtains open, unless it's too bright, until it get's too dark. I sit right in the middle of the room, where I have ample floor space in all directions to expand my domino trail wherever I please.

I start off sitting, until my backs get's tingly, and my behind gets numb. Then I switch to laying on my stomach, alternating between both of my sides every twenty minutes.

When did the room get so dark? Oh well, I'm almost done with the pattern. I'll just finish it and leave. I place the final domino, and feel at ease that the pattern is finished. Things left incomplete always manage to needle me.

Da, dun, dun, dun, da, dunnn, da-dunn, da-DUNN.

The victorious jingle interrupts me. I would be lying if I said I was not startled by it. With a finger that I was not previously concious of in my hair, I surveyed the room. I wonder when Matt entered the room. He's sitting-almost molding into the corner of the wall, with his newest system, the Nintendo DS.

"When did you enter the room?" I ask him as he turns the game off.

He glances in my direction, he must not be able to see me in the darkness. "Oh, hey Near, when did you come in here?" He looks around the room with that same, fish-out-of-water look of his face. "Nice dominos. You should sign up for the Guinness records or something," he grins. It's fake, why even bother? He's not winning anyone over. I continue to twirl my finger and contemplate his motives for speaking to me.

"No, I would not participate in something such as that without cause. I am not competing without reason. I do not win for the sake of winning. How idiotic."

"Heh. Yeah, that's true," he fiddles with the system.

"Why do you not try." My question comes out like a statement.

"What?"

"The tests. You do not try."

"Oh, that," he observes the dominos once more. "For the same reason as you. I don't care about winning something that doesn't matter to me. Especially after A committed suicide. That's...way too much for me. Actually, I'd like to be fourth or lower, but that would take too much effort." He laughs. "But that's impying that I could actually beat you or Mello, which is a huge no frickin' way. You guys can have your smart fun, I'll be cool with Final Fanatsy."

I twirl my hair as I think of such a possibility. From what I can observe, it seems as if he is contemplating similar subjects.

The room is quiet, and oddly enough, I do not mind that I am not alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: **I was surprised at how many people liked this story, so I figured I'd try for another chapter. Thanks for reading, I definitely appreciate it! C:**

**I am unaffiliated with the creation of Death Note.**

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"Oh, I get it! The faster you go, the shorter the distance is right?" Turn replies with an air of confidence. I let a moment pass, twirling my hand in my hair in silence, hoping that she'll grasp the fact that her answer was wrong. Again.

I hold back the sigh that's strangling me as I re-stack the paperclips on the library table. Somehow Turn has managed to snare me into being her tutor for the afternoon. I honestly should be able to remember how, but I somehow cannot recall. My mind must be drained from the constant bombardment of questions and incorrect answers. "For your age that answer would be sufficient, however it is not fully correct. It all depends on perspective and frame of reference. Look at the example in the textbook again," I point to the pages that I cannot read. My parent's car accident caused me to develop a severe case of alexia. I am lucky that I was literate beforehand. Learning to write would have been difficult with this condition. All pages are completely blank, and I am forced to study with braille and take verbal exams. "Do you understand?" I conclude my lecture to Turn without giving away my surprise. My intellect has swept me away once again. I am now fully capable of having an inner monologue while unconsciously reciting the laws of quantum mechanics to a nine year old. Yes. There is a victory in every battle.

Turn gives me a bewildered look, but attempts to mask it with a smile. "I...think. Mostly. Yeah, um, I got it. Thanks Near," she stares off for a moment before writing her answer, all the while my eyes are burning holes in the clock.

"Alright!" she grins, "Now can you explain nuclear fission again? I got kinda lost on that last part. Something, something protons right?"

The thought of explaining nuclear fission more than five times in two hours makes me want to bite my tongue off. Perhaps no one would ask me again if I did...

I ultimately decide on the less gory solution, "Another time. I must be off," I rise from the chair and make my way out of the library, making no eye contact to leave little room for her to intercept me again.

Although it is rude, I do feel as if I have spent more than my lion's share tutoring her this afternoon. After all she does have professors, and I have other obligations, such as my dominoes and tarrot cards.

It is nearing late evening, but I decide to take my deck of tarrot cards and head to my usual common room. My mind is racing from all the social contact, and my blood pressure is rising steadily. That is generally when I know I'm close to a panic attack. In a way, I am slightly proud of how silently I can have those. Although I hate to admit they actually happen.

I notice Matt sitting in the darkness of the room. His portable is closer to his face than should be recommended, and he is squinting at the screen, goggles shoved past his eyes and making his bangs stick out. I conclude that he most likely forgot to turn on the lights.

Leaving the lights off, I open the curtains to let some moonlight in and settle in the corner opposite to Matt. I am oddly relieved to see him in here and relax somewhat. After our first conversation, he has been coming in this room a few times a week to play games while I play with my robots or dominoes. We hardly speak, however, and I wonder if this is considered companionship. I move to lay on my stomach.

The tune plays for what I have come to recognize as the opening of Kirby and the Amazing Mirror. I have attained the ability to recognize video game music, although it is a skill I am not particularly fond of. Suddenly the music is cut off; the change is sudden and jars me out of my card-stacking rhythm.

"Hey Near."

I let a moment pass so he knows I am listening.

"Hey, Near. You awake? I see your feet wiggling, so I'm pretty sure you're awake ."

Apparently not. I stop wiggling my feet. "Yes, I am clearly listening. The silence is there so you know that you are open to continue."

Matt's footsteps cross the floor as he comes to sit beside me, which is odd. We generally keep our distance. I notice he has readjusted his goggles over his eyes.

"Just checkin' on ya. How's is going? Where were you all afternoon?"

I am unable to imagine why he would be asking, but I indulge him with the information nonetheless. "I have been tutoring Turn, and I am content. What spurs your curiosity?"

"Eh, not too much. It was just weird that you weren't in here. I could've been playing Smash Bros on my gamecube or something y'know. Thought you got lost."

The implications in his answer cause my hand to jolt slightly, and I almost destroy my card tower. "What do you mean?"

"Waddaya mean what do I mean?" I see his eyebrows pinch together as he sits back on his elbows next to me.

"Why do you keep coming in here?" His speech patterns are truly atrocious.

Matt stares at me for an uncomfortably long duration of time.

"Uh, to hang out I guess," he pauses again. "I never really thought about it, just kinda became part of my week right? I got used to it, and when you didn't come in today, I decided to talk to you. We should do it more..." he trails off

My body seizes up slightly, down to my twirling finger. "You come in here to see me? Are you not Mello's friend?"

To that Matt snorts, a sound that would never come from my body. "Yeah, I guess I do! I didn't think about it until today though," he shifts until he is sitting upright. "You've got a weird view on friends man, you and Mello both. You can have more than one, y'know." I stay quiet as he continues, "I guess I'll just say it then. I like you, and I think we should hang out more. Whatcha think?"

I begin to twirl my hair with my other hand, fighting the sudden urge to smile and failing. "I suppose that sounds reasonable."

After sitting upright, I put a hand out to shake on our semi-informal agreement. He shoves my arm away and gives me a hug instead. My breath hitches in shock.

Matt chuckles, "Dude, you need more hugs."


End file.
